I’m stuck. Well, it’s December. Hard times, time to think, to pray, to survive in all that mess in the streets and inside my head. On the other hand I’m crazy about doing some small cozy business with cozy people, without all this shouting extra quick tricks to fix your life and make you happy, wealthy and wise. I know it doesn’t work. No, not like that. It works when your are ready. When you were crawling to the peek of the mountain, chewing your pain, childhood traumas, reading a lot about other way of thinking, struggling, overcoming, challenging. You, not your therapist 😉 Then you go to bed or read some book or watch film (no matter which) and suddenly it happens: you know something. You understand. You pass to the next level of You.
I’m lazy and unmotivated to act and promote any ideas and knowledge (maybe in forms I used to see and practice it). But each time I talk to my friends answering and asking about things I adore, I get fueled to share the treasures shut in my chest.
I want to share them, but each time I get ignored, argued or even blamed, I shut my box tight and sigh.
I feel anxious looking here and there to find the breach in my isolation which is not isolation at the same time. I’m not lonely, I like being home alone. But I guess my soul has matured to accept others in it.
The very first time I really felt it was when I became a mother myself. I was just observing my own boundaries broaden and becoming so soft and nutritional. They merged not only the child, but the other women too. (Sorry other men 😉) Like I had some experience to share with them. Actually I tried my best not to get smart too much.
The other duality tearing my mind apart is my love to personal developmental issue and global natural law issue. Well, I can try to shake but not mix those issues and voila, I get a human conscious anatomy from atomic self-centered mind to Universal Law roots. Every moment right now we are experiencing the whole scale of it.
I guess I found a relief. Thanks for your attention, Universe.
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